| Dining etiquette Q
& A |
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| Q: |
Why are meals part of interviews? |
| A: |
Employers may want to see you in a
more social situation to see how you conduct yourself, particularly
if the job for which you are interviewing requires a certain standard
of conduct with clients and superiors. You could be critically scrutinized
on your table manners and conduct. On a practical level, interviews
that last for several hours may extend through mealtimes, and the
employer is acting as a gracious host to provide you with meals.
The meal is a time to visit and interact, and this is always more
important than the function of eating. |
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| Q: |
Who should sit down first? |
| A: |
You should wait for your interviewer/host
to ask you to sit down before taking your seat. If he/she doesn't
ask you to sit, wait for him/her to be seated, then sit. |
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| Q: |
Is it okay to sit with my legs crossed? |
| A: |
You should not push your chair back
and cross your legs until the meal is completely finished. During
the meal, sit up straight and keep your feet flat on the floor or
cross your legs at the ankle. Crossing your legs during the meal
can cause you to slouch, and looks too casual. |
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| Q: |
Which salad plate, bread and butter plate, and drinks
are mine? |
| A: |
Your salad plate and bread and butter
plate are on your left, above your fork. Your beverages are on the
right above your spoon. Remember: Solids on the left, liquids on
the right. |
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| Q: |
Which fork is for what? |
| A: |
Always use your silverware from the
outside in. So if you have two forks, the outside fork is for salad
and the fork closest to the plate is for your main course. The silverware
will be removed as you finish each course. There may be a third
fork outside the salad fork for appetizers. Usually no more than
three utensils are placed on each side of the place setting. If
a fourth utensil is needed, it is placed above the plate and is
usually for dessert and/or for coffee to be served with dessert.
(When you are seated, don't play with your utensils or make them
a topic of conversation.) |
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| Q: |
What do I do with my napkin? |
| A: |
As soon as everyone is seated, unfold
your napkin and place it across your lap, folded, with the fold
toward you. Do this discreetly without flourish. If you need to
leave the table, place your napkin on your chair, folded loosely
(NEVER wadded). Only after the meal is over should you place your
napkin on the table to the left side of your plate (NEVER on your
plate!). |
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| Q: |
How do you wipe your mouth with the napkin? Is it considered
poor etiquette to wipe one's mouth with the napkin? |
| A: |
It is considered poor etiquette NOT
to use your napkin. The purpose of the napkins is to keep food off
your face. Use it frequently to discreetly dap or wipe (no ear to
ear swiping, please) your mouth. Replace the napkin on your lap
loosely folded, not wadded and not stuffed between your legs. |
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| Q: |
What do you do if you drop your napkin on the floor? |
| A: |
If your napkin falls on the floor and
it is within easy reach, retrieve it. If you are unable to retrieve
the napkin without drawing attention to yourself, ask the server
for another one. |
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| Q: |
When is it okay to begin drinking and eating? Does one
wait until the host/hostess starts eating his/her meal at a restaurant? |
| A: |
If water is on the table as you are
seated, it is appropriate to sip your water after everyone is seated
and after you have placed your napkin in your lap. For other beverages
and foods, wait until everyone has been served, and do not eat until
your host/hostess has begun; when your host picks up his/her fork,
this is an indicator that you may do so. Do not help yourself to
the bread basket and other communal foods until your host has indicated
you may do so. If you pick up the bread basket, hold the basket
and offer to the person to your left, then serve yourself, and then
pass the basket to the person on your right. (Same applies to butter,
salad dressings, and other condiments that are passed.) The host/hostess
may ask you to start eating and you should comply with the request. |
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| Q: |
What do you do if your host/hostess uses the wrong utensil?
Do you follow his/her lead? |
| A: |
You should eat correctly, but never
point out errors of others. If you don't know how to eat a certain
food, follow the lead of your host. |
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| Q: |
What should I order to drink? |
| A: |
Water, juice, or iced tea are safe
choices. It is best not to order alcohol even if the interviewer
does. One glass of wine, sipped slowly, may be acceptable. Know
your own limits. You want to remain sharp and responsive. Do not
consume alcoholic beverages if you are under 21 years of age! Coffee
or hot tea after the meal is okay if this is offered and if time
allows. |
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| Q: |
Is it rude or wrong to use multiple packets of sugar/sweetener
in tea or coffee? |
| A: |
Limit yourself to one or two packets
of sugar. Tear one or both at the same time ¾ of the way
at the top of the packet, and leave the paper waste at the side
of the plate. Using more than two packets of sugar or artificial
sweetener may be seen as excessive. |
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| Q: |
What is an appropriate way to explain a food allergy? |
| A: |
Refrain from talking about health during
meals and in business situations. If you know the menu in advance,
you can let your host know ahead of time that you cannot eat a certain
food. Be pleasant about your request, and apologize for any inconvenience.
This allows your host to make arrangements for you. If food you
cannot eat is served to you at a meal, simply leave it. Be discreet
and pleasant if you are asked why you are not eating. In a restaurant
where you are ordering from the menu, you can explain any allergies
discreetly to your server. Again, be pleasant and don't call attention
to yourself or make this a topic of conversation. |
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| Q: |
What do you do if the menu is fixed and you are served
something you do not want? |
| A: |
Be polite and appreciative. Never criticize
or state a dislike for a food that is served to you (something we
all should have learned by age 5). This is insulting to your host.
Simply eat foods you do like, and make an attempt to taste unfamiliar
foods. If you are asked point blank if you like something, and it
would be an obvious untruth to say you do, say something gracious
like, "It's different," or "I'm not accustomed to
this flavor, but I'm glad for the opportunity to try this."
The job for which you are interviewing may involve business travel
and dining in other other cultures than your own. You could be evaluated
for you grace in such situations. |
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| Q: |
What if I order from the menu but am served the wrong
thing. |
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If it's a major mistake, you can discreetly
mention this to the server immediately so that it can be corrected.
If the error is small — you didn't want tomatoes, but they
are served to you, or you received the wrong side dish — ignore
it. Fussing over food can make you look childish, finicky and concerned
with the wrong things (not assets in a job candidate). Your goal
is to appear gracious. |
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| Q: |
What is appropriate to order for dinner? |
| A: |
Simple foods that are easily eaten
with a fork and knife (meats, simple salads and soups). Avoid spaghetti
or other things with red sauce, huge deli sandwiches, greasy hand
held items like pizza, and gassy foods like beans, broccoli, or
cauliflower. Sometimes you may not have a choice. Follow your host's
lead. |
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| Q: |
Is it best to avoid ordering a food if you can't pronounce
its name? |
| A: |
No. If you'd like it, ask the server
to describe the food, and point to it on the menu. |
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| Q: |
How are things like the bread basket, butter and salad
dressings passed? |
| A: |
When your host indicates ("Please
help yourself to bread," or something similar), the person
closest takes the service plate/basket, offers it to the person
on his left, helps himself, and passes to the person on his right.
Always include the service plate in passing; don't, for example,
lift the salad dressing bowl off the service plate and pass the
bowl by itself. Foods should go from the service plate to your plate,
never to your mouth. Butter should be placed on your bread and butter
plate, not directly on your bread. Don't touch other people's food,
and never use your used utensils to obtain food from a service plate. |
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| Q: |
Is it okay to spread butter on my entire roll at one
time? |
| A: |
No. It is appropriate to break off
a bite-sized piece of your roll, butter it and eat it, one bite
at a time. If the piece you break off is slightly too big to make
one bite, it's fine to eat it in two bites, and much better than
stuffing a too-large bite into your mouth. |
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| Q: |
Is it okay to cut your salad if the lettuce pieces are
too large? |
| A: |
Yes. Cut a few bites at a time; don't
slice and dice the entire salad at once. It is preferable to cut
large salad pieces than to attempt to stuff large bites of food
in your mouth. |
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| Q: |
How do I eat and answer questions at the same time? |
| A: |
By taking very small bites, so you
can quickly finish and swallow the bite before speaking. Never speak
with food in your mouth. You may not have much time to eat if you
are being asked a lot of questions; remember that the main point
of the meal is to interact and eating is secondary. You can initiate
asking your host questions so that the conversation is more balanced
and you have more time to eat. Don't eat too quickly, and don't
attempt to hurridly scarf down all your food. A large, hurridly-eaten
meal can make you drowsy and uncomfortable; a disadvantage if you
have interviewing after the meal. |
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| Q: |
How should soup be consumed? |
| A: |
Dip your spoon away from yourself to
fill your spoon with soup. Rest your spoon periodically. When a
service plate under the soup bowl is provided, always place your
spoon on the service plate behind the bowl. If no service plate
is provided, obviously you rest your spoon in the soup bowl. Used
utensils are never placed on the table. Sip quietly. To finish the
last bit of soup, you may slightly tip your bowl to fill your spoon. |
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| Q: |
Should one go out of his/her way to use utensils when
he/she is eating finger food? |
| A: |
When in doubt, eat with a utensil rather
than with your fingers, even those foods (like french fries) that
you may eat by hand at home. If something is served on a plate,
you should use utensils! Chicken, or any other meat with a bone,
is not finger food; you should use the knife and fork. |
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| Q: |
If you are wearing a nametag and are having problems
with it, what is the appropriate course of action? |
| A: |
If the nametag is not sticky and keeps
falling off on the table or on the floor, remove it. If the nametag
is in your way, move it. |
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| Q: |
Is it better to spear or scoop food? |
| A: |
Scooping or spearing depends on the
type of the food. Do not jab at your food; try to scoop and spear
in the same action. |
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| Q: |
How does one indicate having finished an appetizer or
soup? Should the fork or spoon be placed in or out of the bowl? |
| A: |
When a service plate is used under
the food vessel, always rest your utensil on the service plate behind
the food vessel. Obviously if there is no service plate, rest your
utensil in the food vessel. Your utensil always rests with the handle
to your right. Never place a used utensil on the table. If plates
are being cleared and you are not finished, simply lift your utensil
as though you are in the process of eating. However, don't lag behind
the rest of the diners; if everyone else is finished, and you're
not, simply leave the remaining food. |
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| Q: |
Do you always pass the salt with the pepper, even if
someone asks for salt only? |
| A: |
Yes, always pass the salt and the pepper
together. It is also considered rude to use it first before passing
it to the person who asked for it. |
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| Q: |
Is it rude to season your food before tasting it? |
| A: |
Yes. This is an insult to the chef.
You should not salt and pepper your food before tasting it. Try
a bite first, then season if necessary. Don't over season; this
can appear childish. |
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| Q: |
What do you do if there is a hair in the food? |
| A: |
You have a few choices if you find
hair in the food. You can discreetly remove it, eat around it, or
politely ask the server to bring you another plate. In any case,
do not cause a scene and do not spoil the appetites of others at
the table. |
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| Q: |
Do you announce to the table if you need to be excused?
What is the appropriate way? |
| A: |
You can excuse yourself from the table
by saying, "Excuse me"; you do not need to offer an explanation.
If you must leave during the meal, you can indicate whether you
are finished eating through proper placement of your utensils. Ten
and four o'clock (handles at four, knife blade toward you) indicates
you are finished. Three o'clock to center (handles at three) indicated
you are not finished. Do not rest utensils or utensil handles on
the table. |
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| Q: |
If a lady were to get up during the meal, should all
men get up too? |
| A: |
Yes, men should rise when a lady leaves
the table. It is not necessary to completely stand for a temporary
departure. Simply rise off the seat to acknowledge her leaving. |
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| Q: |
Is it appropriate to put eye drops (for contact lenses)
in my eyes at the table? |
| A: |
Absolutely not. No grooming of any
kind should be done at the table. You should excuse yourself for
this purpose. |
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| Q: |
If you are a slow eater, should you finish completely
or just quit when everyone else is finished? |
| A: |
Try to stay with the pace of the meal
so that you don't hold up the remaining courses. If you are lagging
behind, when the others are done eating, don't make them wait on
you too long. |
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| Q: |
Is it ever OK to remove your jacket for heat or other
reasons? Is it appropriate to ask? Does this differ for males and
females? |
| A: |
As a general rule, follow the lead
of the host before removing your jacket. If the host keeps on his/her
jacket, keep yours on. If it is unbelievably hot, it is appropriate
to ask the host's/hostess' permission. This applies to both men
and women. Keep in mind that some restaurants/clubs require customers
to keep their jackets on during meals. |
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| Q: |
What is the correct response to someone accidentally
sneezing on the table (near the food)? |
| A: |
Respond by saying "Bless you,"
and continue with your meal. If the person sneezed on your meal,
don't eat it, but don't make an announcement about it. |
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| Q: |
Where do you place the knife when you are eating? |
| A: |
Put the knife across the top of your
plate when you are eating, blade facing toward you. |
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| Q: |
What do you do with your soup spoon when you are momentarily
not eating? |
| A: |
When you are resting, place the soup
spoon on the service plate, or leave it in the bowl if there is
not a service plate. When you are finished, place the spoon on the
service plate. |
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| Q: |
Is it okay to lick your fork/spoon before putting it
down? |
| A: |
Absolutely not. Remove all food from
your utensil when you remove the utensil from your mouth. Do not
take partial bites off a utensil; so do not put more food on your
utensil than you can place in your mouth with one bite. |
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| Q: |
What if your dinner fork falls on the floor and you
cannot get the server's attention? |
| A: |
Do not reach pick up dropped utensils.
Wait until you get the server's attention and discreetly ask for
a new utensil. |
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| Q: |
How do I call the server if I need him/her? |
| A: |
You can usually catch her/his eye,
but if not, you may ask a nearby server. If the matter is not urgent,
wait until the server checks at the table to make sure everything
is okay; be discreetly on the lookout for him/her to do so, so you
won't be caught with your mouth full. Avoid getting up from the
table to hunt someone down. Remember the meal is not the main purpose
for your being there. |
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| Q: |
What do you do if a piece of food falls off your plate? |
| A: |
If the food falls on the floor, leave
it and don't step on it. If the food falls on the table and it is
a big piece, use your fork and move it to a corner of your plate.
Otherwise, let it be. |
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| Q: |
How do you let someone know he/she has something in
his/her teeth? |
| A: |
Be subtle and quiet. Do not bring it
to the attention of everyone at the table and do not embarrass the
person. If it is someone of importance, you may not want to cause
him or her any embarrassment; so let it go! |
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| Q: |
What if I get something stuck in my teeth? |
| A: |
Try to remove the lodged
item with your tongue. If this does not work, excuse yourself from
the table and go to the restroom. It's a good idea to go to the
restroom after the meal to check your teeth and freshen up. Toothpicks
should be used discreetly and in private; never at the table. |
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| Q: |
What do I do if I have a bone in my mouth? |
| A: |
If you have a bone in your mouth, remove
it unobtrusively with your fork, and place it on the rim of your
plate. Any time something needs to be removed from your mouth, remove
it be the same means (fork, spoon, fingers, etc.) that it went in. |
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| Q: |
What do I do when I don't want to swallow something
I already have in my mouth (such as an olive pit or a piece of gristle)? |
| A: |
If it went in with your fork, it should
come out with your fork and likewise with your hands. Move it to
your tongue and onto the fork and deposit it on the rim of your
plate. No one should notice you doing this, because the fork to
mouth motion is a common one made by anyone who is eating. |
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| Q: |
How do you avoid eating a certain food? (For example,
onions on a salad) |
| A: |
Discreetly eat around the food and/or
move it carefully to the side of the plate or bowl. Don't make a
fuss, and don't remove it from the plate. |
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| Q: |
What should I do if my food is cold or doesn't taste
good? |
| A: |
If your food needs to be warmer but
is not unbearable, you should just eat it and not call the server
over to avoid a scene. However, if it is not edible, politely call
the server over and explain. |
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| Q: |
What do you say when you really don't like your meal
and someone asks, "How is your meal?" |
| A: |
Be polite and say, "Fine, thank
you." |
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| Q: |
Is it OK to rest your wrists on the edge of the table
in between bites? |
| A: |
Yes, it is all right to rest your wrists
on the edge of the table or place your hands in your lap, but no
elbows on the table! |
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| Q: |
As a left-hander, is there anything one should do differently? |
| A: |
If you are allowed to choose your seat,
choose a seat where you do not hit any other person's elbows. |
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| Q: |
Should you clean your plate in any particular way? (Push
all uneaten food to one side?) |
| A: |
You do not have to clean your plate.
It is polite to leave some food on your plate. Do not push the remaining
food around on the plate |
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| Q: |
What do I do to signal I am finished with my meal? |
| A: |
Your silverware should be parallel
to each other in the ten and four o'clock position (as on the face
of a clock), with handles at 4:00 and tops of the utensils at 10:00.
The knife blade points toward you. Never place or rest used utensils
on the table. |
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| Q: |
What do I do when the check comes? |
| A: |
Typically in an interview, you are
the guest and so the meal is paid for by the company. Your host
will most likely pick up the check so you won't have to deal with
it. Remember to thank your host for the meal at its conclusion. |
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| Q: |
What should I do if I feel sick during the dinner? |
| A: |
If you really cannot make it through
the dinner, just excuse yourself and go to the rest room. Return
when you are feeling better or have the server explain that you
are not feeling well. |
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| Key Points to Remember: |
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1. Remember the purpose of the meal. |
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2. Follow the lead of your host or
hostess. |
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3. Be discreet. |
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| Also see: |
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Dining
etiquette: annual dining etiquette dinner and related on-line
information |
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